The Importance of Serve and Return Interactions on a Child’s Developing Mind

It’s pretty incredible to think about how much children learn in such a short span of time. By the time children are 5, they have acquired a good working understanding of human language along with getting their arms, legs, eyes, ears, speech, hands, etc to all move in a coordinated and directed fashion. Also, by age five, they grasp the overt and covert rules of how to act in their culture and society. It’s a massive intellectual feat!

Developing Young Minds

When we think about how this incredible learning is accomplished in such a short window of time we have to make space for some mystery as we examine and learn the lessons taught in the developmental sciences. Learning how the human mind develops can increase our capacity for compassion and build our levels of hope for more connected communities.

An Expectant Brain

Infants start out in the world with an expectant brain meaning they expect to be stimulated and nurtured so their mind can start making crucial connections. The way infants make a bid for connection and learning is by “serving” a sound or movement to another person in their immediate presence. “Serving” can sound like a cry, a babble, pointing, laughing, smiling, dropping an object, etc. Their expectant mind is then primed to see what comes next after they “serve” something to their caretakers.

The Return

For learning to happen that “serve” needs to be “returned”, so caregivers might pick them up, smile back at them, babble back, or make some kind of change to the behavior their infant or child served up to them. This process is called “Serve and Return” and it’s the building blocks of language acquisition and human learning. Children are constantly exploring and learning about their environment and they need attentive caregivers to reinforce their learning in a bidirectional, interactive way. When children “serve” with no “return” they do not get the reinforcement they need to adequately learn and grow. Humans are complex and social beings that depend heavily on interactive communication.

The Influence of Words

When I say the words “blue giraffe,” an image of a blue giraffe probably show up in some of your minds. I’m just sitting on my couch, in my living room, typing squiggly lines that we have created meaning out of to be letters and words. How I am able to influence your mind by implanting an image of a blue giraffe is incredible. We influence each other. Humans cannot live and learn in isolation. It’s critical to our survival to connect and engage. We’re wired that way. Children are wired for “serve and return.” They are looking for any opportunity to engage more fully in the world and broaden their understanding of who they are, how they should act, and what they are capable of.

It Takes a Village

Parents cannot and should not be the sole provider of all “serve and return” interactions. This is the responsibility of the community as well. Parents struggling with substance misuse need even more support. The phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child” is science. Children are wired for multiple attachments outside of their primary caregivers. As long as some of the attachment figures stay consistent, safe, and predictable, children can learn from a multitude of people they interact with. This is why a comprehensive treatment that keeps families intact is so vital.

Connecting During Treatment

In a treatment environment like Sage Home, families can learn the skills of “serve and return” and staff and other participants can help give more of the responsive interactions children crave. Treatment is a learning center for parents to support their own learning and the learning of their children. Parenting can be taught which means parents can learn how to support the healthy and interactive growth of their children within the context of community and connections. Depriving parents the opportunity to learn how to support the developing minds of their children has serious consequences including child removal, trauma, and multiple moving faces the child can’t fix in on and predict. All of these factors damage the capacity for the child to learn and connect to healthy communities. Things that can be taught and learned are things we need to prioritize in treatment. Parents, even if they struggle with addiction, can be great parents with enough support and engagement. It is within our best interests as a community to invest the time and resources to make this type of learning a reality. Supporting parents to support their kids is how we build strong, connected, and resilient communities. May we be the community that promotes healthy growth opportunities in children and their families.

To learn more about us, treatment options, and how we are serving Flagstaff families, reach out to us at any time!